A Very Anxious Weekend

After that night, I put the concealed envelope in my wallet. On Saturday, my youth group headed home from CIY, and on Sunday, we would be opening our envelopes in front of families and friends at a special night service. I still had more than a day to relax until the big moment. When we finally arrived home from a long five-hour bus ride, we were greeted by our parents, and our youth group separated for the first time in almost a week. It was a sad moment to leave our new church family and yet it was so good to see our real family. My mom picked my brother and I up from the church. (And of course, Faith had to come along for the ride, too!) We went home, but before my brother and I could start telling all of our stories, my mom stopped us. We couldn't tell any stories until my dad was home. We were going to go out to dinner (and eat some REAL food for the first time in almost a week) as a family and talk about Timmy and I's week. After a very long hour of sealed lips, my dad finally came home and we went out to dinner. Timmy and I talked nonstop throughout the car ride and throughout dinner. I told my parents that I had decided that I was going to open my envelope. I told them about how God spoke to me one night. It wasn't my choice to open the envelope. It was God's.

As I woke up Sunday morning, I knew what was coming. Only about 10 more hours until the moment of truth. It was that feeling that you get when you wake up and you know that today is going to change your life. After I finished getting ready for church, I put the envelope in my back pocket in order to constantly remind me to pray about it throughout the day. After church, I went home and had some lunch. During lunchtime, I was talking with my parents about opening the card that night. And I know how much my mom and dad would have preferred that I didn't open my enveloped. It wasn't just a challenge for me, it was also a strain on my parents to help me as well. My dad talked to me about what I would do if it told me to go on a mission trip. I smiled and said that I would do it. I was so calm about the card. I could see how worried my parents were. They have never been out of the country before so they were very very leery about allowing their child to go some place that they haven't been before, especially outside of the protective walls of our country. I tried to reassure them that if it was a mission trip, that God would provide and everything would be okay, but that didn't even lessen their anxiety the slightest bit. As much as they didn't want me to go on a mission trip, part of me wanted it to be out of the country just to prove to my parents that I could do it. I want to show them and everyone that God can even used a sheltered young lady like me to do His will, even if it means going out of the country.

After we were done talking, I went upstairs to my room to read my bible. I wanted to continue my one-on-one time with God like I had done for the past week, especially on a day like this. I sat in bed, trying so hard to read my bible and to pray. During the night before, I didn't get much sleep, because I was visiting with my grandpa and I went to first service in the morning. When I get tired, my emotions start to intensify. I started to have doubts about whether I should really open the card or not. I knew it was going to be hard, but no matter what excuse I came up with, my heart knew the whole time that I should open the card. As I was reading my bible in my bed, I fell asleep. Once I woke up, I felt so much better. I felt so rested and my mindset had completely changed. I smiled and knew that tonight was the night that I was going to open the envelope that was made specifically for me by God. Three more hours to go, and I started to get anxious. I tried keeping myself busy to get my mind off of it, but there was no point in trying. I have a confession. I could read some of the words through my envelope. I told myself that I would only read one word. I could barely figure out what the word was but I saw "language" and "country". Then I told my mom that I would love so much for it to say "Go to a country that speaks a different language." I told God that I would love for my card to say that!

FINALLY. My family and I were on our way to the church. We arrived at the church and socialized until the service began. The CIY students and I didn't walk to our seats. We ran, because we were ready. We were ready to worship our Almighty God. We were ready to share our experiences with the church. We were ready to begin our ActiveWater commitment. We were ready to open the envelopes.

We worshipped as a church family again. Afterwards, Justin had the leaders talk about their experience at CIY. Then he introduced what ActiveWater was and how our youth group wanted to help. I kept thinking to myself, hurry! I was getting so anxious to open my card. I held that card and just kept looking at it. Then Justin announced that we were going to read our cards. I wanted to go first because I was getting so anxious. My leg was shaking. My palms were sweating. I couldn't wait any longer, but that wasn't my choice. Justin had all of the students that were going to open their cards go to the front and sit on the steps. I ran up there as fast as I could, but it wasn't fast enough. I was going to wait a little bit longer. Justin called up each student one by one and had each one read their card for the first time to the audience. As I sat there, I wasn't anxious or nervous anymore, I was excited!

Finally, it was my turn. I felt like I was bouncing up the steps, because I was just so excited. Before I opened my card, I told the audience that my mom had tried to open the card for me just to make a joke. I was trying to help calm myself down before the big moment. I opened my card and it read, "Take a foreign language class this year and go to another country for two months." I don't even remember reading the card. I just remember my reaction. I can't even explain what I did. I was running in place, jumping up and down, shaking my whole body around, and screaming. I have no idea what came over me, except I knew that it was pure happiness! It was exactly what I was hoping for! God made it so perfect and I didn't know how else to react. Even after I walked off of stage, I was still screaming. After I sat down and got a chance to take it all in, I started crying. I was crying because I was so happy. God knew the PERFECT card to give to me. I sat there and thanked him through and through. After the other students opened the rest of their cards, we all worshipped again. As I worshipped my mom and Sierra came and gave me a hug, because they also knew how perfect the card was for me. As I worshipped that night, tears streamed down my face, because I was so happy and so thankful! I just kept thanking God over and over again for that card.

I felt so loved by God that night. He knew me inside and out. I've always been told that and I believed it. I've learned the hard way that actions speak louder than words. God proved to me that night how much he loved me. He knew what the perfect challenge for me would be. I've already taken five years of spanish. Going out of the country will not only help me grow in so many ways, it will also help my parents grow. My parents and I will be thrown outside of our comfort zones. It will help them trust Him more that He will keep me safe. My mom told me that when she heard me read the card, she was so happy for me, but she would miss me so much. Then God told her that I wasn't her child anymore. That I belong to God and I'm his child. He will guide me. I will continue to post blogs about updates and how God continues to work in my life to make this challenge come true. If you are reading my blogs, please pray for this journey. It is going to be a long and difficult one, but God will provide. He always knows what's best. It's in His hands. All we can do is pray, and He will answer with the perfect words at the perfect time.